Pounds, ounces, pints! Johnson is offering a whole bushel worth of phoned-in gibberish

theguardian.com:

How are you enjoying the Conservative party’s slow-motion regicide? Maybe call it a ledge-icide, as banter king Boris Johnson increasingly looks to be in a tonne of trouble. Or, as he prefers it, a ton of trouble, which is even heavier and can crush anyone without a ruthlessly consistent abs and core programme. He’ll be fine, mate!

Indeed, there remain plenty who think Big Dog should be allowed to keep peeing on the rug that some donor or other bought him. As one Downing Street source told LBC this morning, the Tory malcontents have “no alternative leader, plan or vision”. Exactly. Why not stick with what they have: a terrible leader, who has no plan or vision?

I’m kidding, obviously. The prime minister – who has achieved precisely nothing in office bar a Brexit deal worse than Theresa May’s, which he is now trying to torpedo – has got pounds of vision. Ounces of it! Pints! A whole bushel worth of phoned-in gibberish designed to get him through a single news cycle. Two, tops. The imperial measures nonsense is all part of the “bonfire of red tape”, which will certainly be something to cluster round in lieu of half the nation being able to afford central heating this winter.

For the record, nine “bonfires of red tape” have been announced since Johnson became prime minister, suggesting police should investigate this arsonist for serial insurance fraud. Of course, like the Springfield Tire Fire (est. 1989), the “bonfire of red tape” has in fact been burning continuously for even longer than that, with the flames fanned every time a Conservative prime minister is up the creek. Which, given the past few years, has been exceedingly often.

The latest conflagration seems to be part of the play-to-your-base initiative previously